The Dog Beautiful Fun in the Show Ring

SUPERSTAR

(Surpasses All Requirements)

SHINING STAR

(Exceeds All

Requirements)

TYPICAL STAR

(Meets All

Requirements)

WISHFUL STAR

(Needs Room for

Improvement)

REALITY STAR

(What

Requirements?)

QUALITY OF

THE HANDLER

QUALITY OF

THE DOG

Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.

Leaps fire stations with a single bound.

Must take a running start to leap over buildings.

Takes a running start to leap over fire trucks.

Can climb up the side of a building.

Can leap over fire hydrants.

Crashes into building when attempting to leap over them.

Life’s greatest pleasure is to wet down fire hydrants.

Cannot recognize buildings, let alone jump over them.

Wets a human leg instead of a hydrant.

TARGETING OF

THE HANDLER

Kinetically smoother and more accurate than a speeding bullet.  Always hits dead center.

About as accurate as a speeding bullet, but has some wind resistance.  Rarely misses target.

A good bullet; hits target most of the time when concentrating.

Some shell shock.  Occasionally hits someone else’s target.

Gets wounded when attempting to shoot.

DURABILITY OF
THE HANDLER

DURABILITY OF

THE DOG

Stronger than a locomotive.

More impressive than Westminster’s Best in Show.

Stronger than a bull elephant

Multiple Best in Show winner.

Stronger than a bull.

A good dog that will eventually gain titles after much hard work and $ spent.

Shoots the bull.

A dubious specimen outside the ring, becomes an aggressive coward in the ring.

Smells like a bull.

A dog that gets motion sickness while standing still.

ADAPTABILITY OF THE HANDLER

ADAPTABILITY OF THE DOG

Walks on water consistently.

Mud puddles move out of the way or evaporate.

Walks on water in emergencies.

Mud stays in the puddle as the dog walks through it.

Washes with water.

Mud puddles magically appear and tempt the dog to play in them.

Drinks water.

A dog that always finds or creates mud puddles to roll in just before the show ring.

Passes water when startled.

Leave a trailing puddle when greeted or spoken to.

GROOMING THE DOG

Coat is always immaculate, no stains, no tearing, not one hair out of place.  Ever.

Coat is always full and plush, shed coat regrows in 2 hours. Stains disappear like magic.

Coat peels off completely, except for wispy strands one day before the dog show.  Stains are accentuated by hair loss.

Mousse, sprays, texturizers, gunk and powers get mixed and applied at the last minute while praying for a miracle.

The shed coat is woven together and glued back on the dog.

MOVEMENT IN THE RING

Makes the earth move; the world revolves around handler and dog.

Makes the ring posts merrily waltz like animated Disney characters.

The ring posts tremble and shake, echoing the jittery nerves of the handler.

Knocks over ring posts, runs into the competition, always poses dog with hindquarters aimed at the judge.

Walks into the ring with confidence; then realizes they forgot to bring the dog.

ON LEAD

The handles and lead are invisible.  The dog knows the pattern, understands the judge, divines perfect execution of set tasks, and exhibits flawlessly.

The handler is visible, but the lead looks invisible.  The dog captures the attention of everyone.

The dog is content to be connected through an umbilical leash.  Works well depending on who is attached to the human end of the leash.

The dog thinks the leash is a que to give the handler a robust workout. Handler needs to learn what the dog wants.

The dog wraps the leash to a table leg, gets free and proceeds to unleash his comrades and wreak chaos.

COMMUNICATION

Talks with GOD.

Talks with St. Francis of Assisi.

Talks to the dog with confidence and optimism.

Agues with self, yells at the dog.

Loses those arguments and wonders why.

DESIGNATION

Super Dog!

The untouchable!

Mighty Dog!

Companion Dog Excellent

Pack Dog

Usually mistaken for an Aardvark.